Aug 13, 2017 Let parents know that you want to hear about bullying. Make sure that your team knows they can come to you. Talk to the team when bullying becomes a problem and follow through on consequences if you catch a kid bullying another. Coaching isn’t just about winning games, it’s about turning kids into strong leaders who do the right thing.
What can adults do to help kids cope with inevitable experiences of conflict and bullying?To Intervene or Not to Intervene?Adults often struggle with the question of, 'Should I intervene in a child's friendship problems?' The line between helicopter and hands-off can get confusing, as adults waver between wanting to protect young people from the pain of broken friendships and believing that bullying is an inevitable rite of passage. The bottom line is this; no child should have to find her way through painful conflict alone. Kids need adult support and insights when it comes to navigating the choppy waters of friendship, disguised as a weapon. Here are some fundamental ways parents can help. Using cell phones and/or social media to gossip, start rumors, say mean things, or forward embarrassing posts and photosHelp Her Make Friends with her Anger'Do not teach your children never to be angry; teach them ' —Lyman AbbottAnger is a normal, natural, human emotion. In fact, it is one of the most basic of all human experiences.
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And yet many girls, from a very early age, are bombarded with the message that anger = bad. Young girls face enormous social pressure to be 'good' at all costs, a standard that makes it difficult for young girls to stop and say, 'Hey. I don't like the way you are treating me right now. I'm feeling angry about what you just said/did/pretended not to do, and I'm not going to let you treat me that way anymore.' Adults who teach their children how to be angry effectively—by role modeling communication skills and by accepting anger when it is respectfully expressed—fortify girls with the to walk away from toxic friendships.Encourage Her to Show StrengthAs a social worker, I am all about teaching young people that it is okay to feel sad, or hurt, or angry, and that it is a good thing to talk about their emotions with others. Yet, when it comes to facing off with a frenemy, my best advice to caring adults is to teach young girls how to show resolute strength.
Mind you, strength should not come in the form of physically or verbally aggressive responses that up the ante and escalate hostilities, but rather young people show strength when they use to deflect a situation and they stand up for themselves whenever their feelings are disrespected. A simple 'Knock it off,' or 'Tell me when you get to the funny part' is a simple, powerful signal that a girl will not allow herself to be treated poorly. The friendships that are so easily formed between girls during their youngest years quickly become complicated as early as the elementary school years.
Adults play the key role in teaching kids about healthy friendships and supporting them through the inevitable pains of toxic ones.Signe Whitson is a school counselor, mother of two daughters, and author of four books, including and For more information, activity ideas, and Mother-Daughter workshops to help girls cope with friends and frenemies, please visit. Follow Signe on Twitter @SigneWhitson.
Victoria-I think that that is where the teacher(s), guidance counselor, principal/asst. Principals come into play. I see your point now, thanks.What I meant was not to 'diagnose' the bully. But rather attempt to understand the reasons behind a sudden change in friendship. This of course would not apply to regular bullies but friends that suddenly become frenemies.
To me, a very strong (and difficult) issue to learn about frienship is to understand that if a friendship lasts years, there will be times in which you hate comments, actions or decisions your friend makes. Learning to see these 'frenemies' actions as a stone in a road rather than the end of the road, helps the child to try to overcome problems AND gives the frenemie a chance to back up and re-think.For example, a friend of mine asked 'why are you acting like this?
Are you afraid of something? I am your friend, you can trust me!'
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And that gave the other girl the chance to open up. It does not work if its done in public though.:D.
As a parent to a son and a daughter and as a 1-5 educator, this article offers a variety of great ideas-for both girls and boys. I will say-the 'cattiness' in girls really starts to show up in 4th and 5th grades (tailend of 3rd for a few). To parents-Please involve/inform the classroom teacher if this is something that is going on with your child.
It allows the teacher to keep a closer eye on lunchroom/playground behaviors, etc.-and, sometimes a couple interventions by the teacher is all it takes to curb the behavior. I would then involve the guidance counselor if behaviors continued-and, certainly would jump beyond that if the behaviors are falling into the 'Bullying/Harassment' umbrella.
Those would be outlined in the Board of Education by-laws (for anyone who is wondering if behaviors are classified/included). It is certainly not okay!!!
And, there are many things that can be done at the school level to help.For all the experience I have had with the hundreds of students who have entered my classrooms, it surprised and saddened me when my (then) 3rd grader started to experience bullying. I am grateful that we were having conversations and that he felt comfortable to bring it up. It had gone from another boy just being 'mean' to very targeted bullying. The name calling, the ridiculing, the physical response (pushing, shoving).I was following what I 'should'-working through things with my son-including ideas listed here, contacting the teacher and the other child's teacher to let them know, the bus driver, then contacting the guidance counselor-and then the principal as the bullying continued. I have asked if district protocol is being followed (in terms of disciplinary action since this 100% falls into the district's zero-tolerance policy on bulling/harassment), have met with many people.and am grateful that things (1.5 years later) seem to have calmed down.KJ. I also think it is really important to discuss what really is mean or bullying behaviour and what is a difference in interests or a desire to spend time with other friends occasionally.I've had to do a lot of work with my boy to explain that his friends don't always want to play his 'fantasy role-play' games and that this isn't being mean. Each friend has a variety of activities they enjoy and sometimes they will want to go an play football or tag games (which my boy doesn't enjoy) and sometimes they are happy to join in his games.
We have role-played, ourselves, a lot of 'Can we meet up at the next break then?' And other 'acceptance of situation' phrases.The same has applied to my boy complaining that 'F was talking to M at playtime today and that's really not fair' Well - didn't F spend a lot of time with you over the weekend? Perhaps M felt left out? And M would like to have some time with F as well?I have navigated this with many many children in school as well, particularly groups of girls. Are they REALLY excluding one or more girls from their game?
Or are they just busy playing a game that the others are not interested in? Being able to problem solve.
'A is feeling rather left out at the moment because she hasn't seen that film and doesn't know how to join in/want to join in/can't join in. Would you be able to play a different game next breaktime that A could be included in?'
Or role-playing. 'I know we're playing horsey games at the moment, and you're not really into riding, I promise we'll play something that you are more interested in next time!' In other words, each individual or group of children has the right to play games or talk about interests that 'everyone' is not interested in, but consideration should be given to change topic or game regularly to include as many people as possible. First things first.
We need to stop calling it bullying and start calling what it is: harassment. Bullying is simply an establishment of pecking order which we do all the time without realizing it because it's part of our nature. Harassment is a step beyond that. This is where the calls for simeone's death occurs and pressuring them to commit suicide.
It starts out small and then it gets worse and worse until the person is driven to suicide,We need to teach our kids to learn to pick themselves up off the ground and brush things off and when to get an adult involved. Set them up for success instead of failure as a future adult. If they're calling you names and such, brush it off. If they're ignoring you, brush it off. When they tell you that you're worthless and should die or push or beat the snot out of you, THEN get an adult. I'm also one that encourages one to fight back.
If someone punches you, you punch them back but they must punch you first. 'Violence is never the answer' is ninny garbage to keep little kids from killing one another. A rapist isn't going to stop just because you ask or told them to. Nor a robber or murderer. You have to physically stop them by killing them or incapacitating them.
A kid won't stop until you make them stop. Telling on them will likely get them beaten up later anyway. 'Snitches get stitches' as the saying goes. So let's teach them to be a tree that can weather the storm instead of a dainty flower that drowns when there's too much rain.If you can, avoid them at all costs.
Kids confuse acquaintances with friends. True friendship is hard to come by even in your adult years. I had a girl who I thought was my friend but she used me and destroyed my dream career and I let her under the pretense of being friends despite knowing full well what she was doing. A friend that coerces you into doing something, especially when is a bad or negative thing, isn't your friend. A friend would help you hide a dead body without asking questions-in other words, have your back no matter what.
When you have a small group of people (1-5), you can safely assume they are your friends until they break that trust, if you have more than that, yeah.most aren't your friends. They're there because they need you, And once they're done, they'll throw you away like a dirty napkin.These are the things we need to teach our kids.
You can't always run away. If you can, do so. If not, tough it out.
Unlike what Hollywood has taught us, don't rely on someone else for your measure of self-worth. The only opinions that matter is yours, your family (if you're tight with them), and God (if you're a believer). It's good to have a feeling of belonging but don't let it rule you. For me, I'm more comfortable alone. I don't mind hanging out with others, but I won't ask to do so. I've also stopped caring about what people think of me and their expectations of me.
And my stress level and mind has thanked me for it.